Ann Coulter: More Boos Than Balls
Well, if booing an outgoing president and singing, “Na Na Na Na, Hey, Hey, Hey! Good-bye!” at an inauguration is any indication, then I’d say the mature part of Obama’s presidency has begun.
Let’s meet the clowns who will be running the show for the next…who knows how long.
For grins, we’ll start with the Black Panthers, those swarthy young gentlemen who felt it their job to secure everyone’s right to feel intimidated at the polls.
Job Title: Homeland Security
1. In charge of recruiting and training.
2. Helping elderly white women across the street.
3. Voter security.
4. Affirmative action coordinators.
Required for Job: Vote for Obama. Hate white people. Own a cool pair of really dark shades (This is necessary for responsibility #2. Dark shades make white people look less…white.); Clothing from local Army-Navy Surplus.
Next on the roster are the sweaty-palmed Democrats in congress. And leading this gaggle of hapless liberal malcontents is Nancy Pelosi.
Job Title: Speaker of the House. Resident shrew.
1. Silence the minority.
2. Erase Second Amendment from Constitution.
3. Scribble on bottom of existing constitution: “No party, other than the Democratic Party is permitted to campaign or run candidates for election.” Forward this to the people of Minnesota.
4. Employing the tactic of, Anything Said Enough Times Becomes Truth, use the terms “people’s republic” and “democratic republic” liberally.
5. Kill conservative talk radio. (Call it the Fairness Doctrine.)
Required for the Job: Understand the dynamics of a One Party System (see Cuban constitution); Eraser for responsibility #2; Sharpie for responsibility #3.
And let’s not forget those haters of sunshine and warm (and cold) weather, the newest generation of malcontents -The Environmentalists.
Job Title: Environmental Protection Agency; Trash Czar; Green Police; Boil on the Butt of Humanity; Bunny Advocate; Light Bulb Patrol Officer; Dolphin Whisperer; Ozone Officer; Hysteria Coordinator (Job titles are relative to region and task at hand.)
1. Ensure car companies go bust.
2. Bankrupt the coal industry.
3. Ensure every home is equipped with compact florescent light bulbs containing mercury which cannot be disposed of.
4. Brainwash public into believing any car bigger and more powerful than a lawnmower is harmful for the environment.
5. Outlaw cars bigger and more powerful than a lawnmower.
6. Convince the public that nuclear power is inefficient.
7. Convince the public that large, expensive, inefficient windmills are efficient.
8. Distribute Al Gore posters and busts for every American classroom.
9. Repeat, ten times daily, the mantra, “Global Warming Exists, Global Warming Exists…”
10. Send vouchers for Tree Hugging Arm Protection Tubes to every American.
Required for the Job: Hemp clothing; Complete and utter disdain for Capitalism; Unconscienable ignorance of science; Must be member of Al Gore Fan Club; Must posses an ability to ignore facts and reinvent the truth; Must own a hybrid; Personal hygiene is optional.
I would be remiss if I didn’t mention Obama’s biggest fan base and purveyor of anti-American celluloid, Hollywood.
Job Title: Actor; Actress; Moral Compass; UN Ambassador Alternate
1. Play roles in movies that you malign in real life (war heroes, presidents, working folk).
2. Save poor countries by adopting and over-indulging their children.
3. Bad mouth Bush. (Anything that goes wrong will still be his fault.)
4. Look serious and reflective at all times even though you haven’t a thought in your head.
5. Learn to act.
6. Produce and star in movies/TV shows that promote homosexuality, teen-age sex, extra-marital affairs, pregnancy outside of marriage, and the notion that Bret Michaels really will find his true love this season.
7. Make movies in which Christians are idiots.
8. Fly, as a self-proclaimed foreign minister, to an impoverished country for a photo-op with an impoverished child to raise awareness that their are impoverished children in impoverished countries. Leer jet, Pellegrino water, camera crew, 5-star Hotel on the beach of said country, and en route catered meal will be provided.
9. Wear an Obama T-shirt or button at least once a week.
Required for the Job: Marginal acting skills; A cursory knowledge of the political process in Cuba; Total and utter disdain for Republicans and Conservatism; Schmoozing dictators of countries that hate America is required; Must have pet; Must have a pet cause (Available causes can be found at pamelaandersondoeschicken.com.); Must have a SAG card (Voter registration marked “Democrat” will be an acceptable alternative after January 21, 2009); The ability to live large while making America feel guilty for being so greedy; Marriage is accepted on a case by case basis. Live in lovers and illegitimate children are preferred; Must posses the ability to take yourself way too seriously.
And there you have it: The wing nuts who ascended the throne while booing an exiting president (who, by the way, kept their collective a**es out of a terrorists sling for the last seven years). Contrary to what they believe, character speaks volumes, and these clowns are completely devoid of it.