Month: April 2006

I Tried…


…Really, I did. But I needed a break.

To be a conservative blogger one must keep a constant eye on the news and the moronic antics of the left-wing lunatics. And while it’s an amusing hobby, it can induce full-scale migraines if done too often. And in my case, I find it hard to repress my irritation over Hillary’s latest exploit or the Entertainment Elite’s blathering against anything American, and still maintain a positive demeanor around the kiddos.

For illustration purposes only, a glimpse into my day.

“Don’t bug mom,” says oldest son as he bars the way to mom’s desk.

Younger son, incredulously, “Why not? I need help in math.”

She’s writing and she’s really hacked off.”

Oh great,” says younger son, “Is she blogging? What did the libs do now?”

Sad, but true.

So, in an effort to write a conservative blog that is more positive I Googled the words, “Positive News”. (I should have known better. But like I said, I took a break…obviously…)

First on the page of results was Positive News. Much to my dismay it turned out to be a Bunny Hugger, Anti-progress manifesto. I felt a slight pain in my head.

Undaunted, I continued my search only to find this: Youth Positive News. It’s the same rag as “Positive News” only with the angst notched down to an adolescent sneer.

Not happy with the results thus far, I continued my search for truly positive news, while simultaneously rubbing my temples, and stumbled on this little piece of sunshine, Happy News. Squeezed in between the ads for “Anti-Bush Bumper Stickers” and “Hillary in ’08” banner ads are headlines that read, “Clinton Raises Billions for World’s Needy” and “Malaysia Opens Drive In Massage Parlor“. The muscles behind my eyes were starting to wrap around the back of my head.

Another glimpse into the same day:

What are you looking for, Mom?” asks youngest son as I ransack my desk drawers for anything resembling a pain reliever.

The word ‘positive’, son. I’m looking for the word ‘positive’. Have you seen it?”

No.” squeaks youngest son’s worried reply. “Did you lose it?”

I didn’t lose it,” I say between my teeth as I pry the lid off a bottle whose label is mysteriously blurry. “The libs stole it, and now they are using it for evil instead of good.”

Youngest son leaves the room and plops down next to oldest son on the couch. “The Libs stole Mom’s positive.

As I dropped four extra strength Excedrin into my Mountain Dew, I glanced at the boys on the couch and my heart broke. I realized that, like the poor, the libs will always be with us but my boys won’t always be in my home. And yes, the libs can be amusing, but my boys are way more fun and a lot less annoying.

While I love to write and hope to one day make a living from it, I can’t do it at the expense of my family. So my columns (when do blogs evolve into columns anyway?) will be more infrequent. ‘Tis the season.

Oh, by the way, I learned an important lesson about positive news stories. The best way to get them is to pay for them.