When asked to write a humorous commentary on illegal immigration my immediate response was, “Illegal immigration isn’t funny.”
Well, it isn’t.
I mean, we’re talking about national security here. What could possibly be funny about scads of disgruntled Mexicans pouring into our country uninvited like Hollywood ilk into a kabbalah?
And I fail to see even a sliver of humor in the Mexican government’s 5-day seminars called, “Operation Flee” where, according to the brochure,
“Prospective immigrants are equipped with the skills they’ll need for a successful relocation to America.”
A sample of some of the workshops include:
Document Forgery: How to create quality documents that will stand up to minimal scrutiny. Supplies needed: Small picture of yourself, construction paper, scissors, glue, tape, colored pencils, hot iron. Laminate will be provided.
Third Trimester Traveling: Discussion will focus on crossing the border in the third trimester to ensure a legal American offspring. Attendees will receive a complimentary diaper bag and two WIC vouchers.
From Maria to Sally; Juan to Brad: Tips on how to scan the obituaries for that perfect American name. This will be a small group setting by the pool. Sign up now. This is a popular one!
Thinking Like a Democrat: Everything you need to know about the American political process. This will be a video presentation. Guest speaker: Michael Moore
The Joy of Entitlement: A hands on workshop where attendees will practice filling out government assistance forms. Supplies needed: Eraser.
Beginning Survival Skills: Enjoy a one mile walk simulating the route from Mexico to several different border infiltration sites. Participants will learn basic survival skills while enjoying such games as: German Spotlight, Hide and Seek, and Red Rover. Supplies needed: Canteen, dark clothing. Supplies provided: Map. Guest speaker: Rev. Robin Hoover
Identifying American Currency: Learn to identify and use American currency in stores, banks, and street corners. Supplies provided: Money in the form of large wrapped bundles, small bills, coins, checks, and vouchers. Supplies needed: None
Your Vote Counts: After a brief history of American politics attendees will cast mock votes with an authentic 2000 Florida election ballot. Door prizes will be awarded for the ballot with the most hanging chads. Guest speaker: Al Gore
Conversational English: (Due to low attendance in the past this workshop might be cancelled.)
The small print spanning the bottom of the back page of the brochure says, “Funding for Rock the Vote provided by the American DNC”, what ever that means.
No, this doesn’t strike me as funny at all. I’m afraid I’ll have to pass on this particular assignment.