Month: February 2006

A Church in Sheep’s Clothing

Call me a Right-Wing Fundamental Christian wackjob, but I prefer going to God over Kofi Annan for help.

Lest you be tempted to believe that churches across America are denouncing the war in Iraq, Newsmax article, read this about the World Council of Churches.

“Church leaders who met with United Nations Secretary General Kofi Annan Monday (May 24) said they are convinced that international involvement is Iraq’s only chance for lasting peace and security and that the United Nations is the organization rightfully to take that role.”

Quote from 2004 National Council of Churches

I didn’t know God was outsourcing to the UN.


Cheney Invites Hillary To Next Hunting Trip

Oh, this is rich. Hillary Rants Link

Hillary is screeching about Cheney’s supposed cover up concerning his hunting accident. The woman is deliriously insane.

A tendency of this administration — from the top all the way to the bottom — is to withhold information … to refuse to be forthcoming about information that is of significance and relevance to the jobs that all of you do, and the interests of the American people,” Clinton said.

First of all, how is Cheney’s silence concerning the hunting mishap relevant or significant to the jobs we all do? His shooting Mr. Whittington in no way affected me. When Bill and Hillary tried to turn this country into a socialist state, now that affected me.

True to form, Hillary is using the misery of another to her advantage. No wonder even the democrats are starting to circulate rumors of her being unlikeable. Could it be that they are finally catching on to what the rest of us thought was patently obvious?

Secondly, the Clinton’s took ‘not being forthcoming’ and made it an art form. Instead of taking the oath of office, Clinton should have just saved us all a lot of trouble and taken the Fifth from the get go.

But wait, she goes on:

The refusal of this administration to level with the American people on matters large and small is very disturbing, because it goes counter to the way our constitutional democracy … is supposed to work.”

It would be redundant to say Mrs. Clinton is obtuse. Cheney didn’t owe the American people jack, least of all Hillary and her congressional cronies. He had just been the cause of a horrible accident. He didn’t get immediately on the phone to Judy Woodruff because he was probably horrified and in shock. But I’ll be fair to the old gal. I’m sure if she ‘accidentally’ shot Bill, horrified or not (my money is on ‘not’), she’d be on the phone to Senator Kennedy as fast as you can say, “Who’s your lawyer?”

But Hillary wasn’t pontificating alone. Harry Reid was salivating on the sidelines just waiting for his chance to turn the situation into a Bush administration conspiracy.

I think the reason it took the vice president a day to talk about this is part of the secretive nature of this administration,” the top Senate Democrat said. “They keep things pretty close to the chest.”

I’m sure it would never cross Clinton or Reid’s mind, but it is quite possible Cheney didn’t alert the media immediately because he wanted to be respectful of Whittington’s family. But the concept of respect is ignored by the democrats when there is seething to be done. What most would consider common courtesy Reid and Clinton call secretive. But the cover ups perpetrated by the Clinton Administration somehow fell under Executive Priviledge.

“I think it’s time the American people heard from the vice president, in a real meeting just like we’re having here,” said Reid, who called the George W. Bush presidency “the most secretive administration in modern history.”

This begs the question, why do we have to hear from Cheney at all on this? Does anyone, other than a raging democrat, actually think Dick Cheney led his friend of 30 years into the woods and purposely put buckshot into him? The liberals just want a public flogging of Cheney and they won’t shut up until they get it.

Reid outdid himself in the ignorance department with this parting shot:

“In the last many, many decades, there’s no administration more secretive than this,” he said.

He must have been out of the country between 1992 and 2000.

I rather like Cheney’s secretive nature. Not only does it make the liberals squirm, which is fun to watch, but it keeps this country safe. So, if the Vice President wants to take Hillary out hunting I’ll give him three days to tell us how it went.

Kansas: Abortionists Must Be Vegans

In Kansas City last year, proprietor Krishna Rajanna, of the Affordable Medical and Surgical Services, not only waged war on the unborn, he apparently dined on the spoils. It truly is too sick to be real. World Net Daily

Scary enough, this doctor’s supposed diet seems to be legal. Since the unborn have not yet been granted Human Life status there are no laws stating they can’t be eaten. But, to his credit, he denied the charge, claiming he was a vegetarian. He didn’t say he was horrified but rather blandly stated that he was vegetarian. Did you get that? The moral high ground here is vegetarianism. And I thought he would deny doing it because it was gross.

In an effort to keep the playing field level, and as bloody as possible, the illustrious Governor of Kansas, Kathleen Sebelius, has vetoed bills that would force regulations on abortion clinics claiming all outpatient surgical sites should undergo the same regulations. Well, I don’t know where Ms. Sebelius is from but where I come from, surgical sites that practice cannibalism have different regulations than those that don’t.

But alas, there is a silver lining around the dark cloud over Kansas. The sunflower state might actually enforce some regulations on their abortion mills. Operative word: Might. House Bill 2829 would make it so that any outpatient surgical facility would be subject to unannounced inspections.

I’m not against inspections. Everybody needs some accountability. But it does seem a shame that these particular inspections are a result of such deviant behavior. Now upstanding clinics performing necessary procedures like cataract removal and tonsilectomies will have to undergo humiliating questions like: “Did you eat the biohazardous waste?” and “Open all your microwaves for inspection.”

In addition to the stack of forms the patients must fill out, now they will have another one:

I_________________(check one)___do____do not give Dr. So and So permission to eat the biohazardous waste from my procedure.

Truly, given the level of insanity within the abortion industry, this sick progression shouldn’t surprise anyone. Not content with killing the unborn of their own species, the pro-aborts will one day justify a fetus’s usefulness as an organic food group. Do I take my suppositions too far? Yes, more so than even I am comfortable with. But make no mistake, among this vile segment of our culture anything is possible and nothing, not even life, is sacred.

Hollywood’s Only Patriot Escapes

Nobody is sure how he got past Michael Moore and his band of thugs but Gary Sinise, in a stunning act of defiance, managed to wriggle out of the Hollywood compound to support the troops and help Iraqi kids.

“We are investigating the break out and following any leads. But I want to assure everyone that this won’t happen again. We will be tightening security all around the perimeter until this is resolved.” stated a somber Michael Moore.

Bratt Pitt, humanitarian extraordinaire was stunned. “Going to Iraq is one thing. But to support the troops? And the military flight jacket? I don’t know what he was thinking.”

Illigal Immigration Just Isn’t Funny

When asked to write a humorous commentary on illegal immigration my immediate response was, “Illegal immigration isn’t funny.”

Well, it isn’t.

I mean, we’re talking about national security here. What could possibly be funny about scads of disgruntled Mexicans pouring into our country uninvited like Hollywood ilk into a kabbalah?

And I fail to see even a sliver of humor in the Mexican government’s 5-day seminars called, “Operation Flee” where, according to the brochure,

“Prospective immigrants are equipped with the skills they’ll need for a successful relocation to America.”

A sample of some of the workshops include:

Document Forgery: How to create quality documents that will stand up to minimal scrutiny. Supplies needed: Small picture of yourself, construction paper, scissors, glue, tape, colored pencils, hot iron. Laminate will be provided.

Third Trimester Traveling: Discussion will focus on crossing the border in the third trimester to ensure a legal American offspring. Attendees will receive a complimentary diaper bag and two WIC vouchers.

From Maria to Sally; Juan to Brad: Tips on how to scan the obituaries for that perfect American name. This will be a small group setting by the pool. Sign up now. This is a popular one!

Thinking Like a Democrat: Everything you need to know about the American political process. This will be a video presentation. Guest speaker: Michael Moore

The Joy of Entitlement: A hands on workshop where attendees will practice filling out government assistance forms. Supplies needed: Eraser.

Beginning Survival Skills: Enjoy a one mile walk simulating the route from Mexico to several different border infiltration sites. Participants will learn basic survival skills while enjoying such games as: German Spotlight, Hide and Seek, and Red Rover. Supplies needed: Canteen, dark clothing. Supplies provided: Map. Guest speaker: Rev. Robin Hoover

Identifying American Currency: Learn to identify and use American currency in stores, banks, and street corners. Supplies provided: Money in the form of large wrapped bundles, small bills, coins, checks, and vouchers. Supplies needed: None

Your Vote Counts: After a brief history of American politics attendees will cast mock votes with an authentic 2000 Florida election ballot. Door prizes will be awarded for the ballot with the most hanging chads. Guest speaker: Al Gore

Conversational English: (Due to low attendance in the past this workshop might be cancelled.)

The small print spanning the bottom of the back page of the brochure says, “Funding for Rock the Vote provided by the American DNC”, what ever that means.

No, this doesn’t strike me as funny at all. I’m afraid I’ll have to pass on this particular assignment.

Iran Brings UN on as Ally

I think I’m having a deja vu…..

On February 4, the governing board of the United Nations nuclear watchdog, the International Atomic Energy Agency (IAEA) voted to report Iran to the UN Security Council over continued concerns about its nuclear program. Eurasianet

Having the IAEA tattle on Iran to the UN Security Council is tantamount to going to Hillary and telling her the liberals weren’t playing nice with Bush at Coretta King’s funeral. There are just some places you don’t go for justice. Besides, we all know it’s Bush’s fault that Iran wants to build nukes, just like it’s his fault the left-wingers at King’s funeral came down with Tourettes en masse.

Considering the UN Security Council’s track record with guys like Saddam Hussein, it’s safe to assume the Iranian government is laughing all the way to the missile site. Heck, they probably think the UN is their ally. Double heck, the UN probably is their ally. But for those of you who still see the UN as the world’s last bastion of hope and the great watchdog that strikes fear in the hearts of terrorists with their pseudo inspections, I offer you a parable, of sorts….

Billy and Bob were cause for concern. Their eyes were red, they smelled of illegal smoke, and they had strange vases in their bedrooms. Justifiably worried, Billy and Bob’s parents confronted them with the error of their ways.

“Billy, Bob we know you two are doing drugs. We are going to inspect your rooms for paraphenalia and marijuana in two weeks. If we find anything you are in big trouble.” said their parents.

Billy, realizing he shouldn’t be smoking the wacky weed, gathers up all his utensils and his pound of Columbian Gold and takes them to his parents saying, “I confess, you were right. I have a little over a pound of Columbia’s finest, a baggie of some homegrown, and this backpack full of paraphenalia. I have enough here to be convicted of a felony. I’ll accept what ever punishment you deem necessary. Call the police.”

Bob, realizing he could be thrown out of the house and put in juvy, heads to his dealer to discuss terms for stashing his stash. The dealer is agreeable to holding Bob’s cache in exchange for skateboard lessons . Bob, relieved, lights up a fat one to enjoy on the drive home.

The point of this parable? Bob’s true name is Abdul-Al-Hashish and he lives in Iran. Billy is a figment of a liberal imagination.

I have to admit, I am more than just a little curious to see how Iran’s Nukes for Food program plays out. Will the U.S. have to go to the dance stag? Probably. The Iranian government is spinning overtime trying to sell their “All Things Nuclear” program as some kind of benign weenie roast while the rest of the world hides behind Bush so they can blame him later.

But we needn’t worry yet. With our lives safely in the UN’s hands I figure we’ve got a least ten years of inspections before anything hits a building.

Happy Knuffelen Binnen Hollander Day!

It seems the Muslims are planning a peaceful boycott of anything Dutch. Golly, you’d think those thick-headed Hollanders would get the hint with all the embassy burnings and death threats.

I’m not a big fan of boycotts myself, but I am a big fan of thwarting the efforts of lunatics. So I am proposing a new world wide holiday: Knuffelen Binnen Hollander Day.

Sure, it’s a mouthful. But so is, “Burn you dirty Dutch infidel!”

Aside from having the usual three day weekend, Knuffelen Binnen Hollander Day can be celebrated any number of ways. Here are a few suggestions to help make this a family-friendly holiday to remember for generations to come:

Take your entire extended family out to dinner and surprise them by having everyone ‘go Dutch’ when paying the bill.

Gather around the computer and shop at Holland-at-Home or Dutch Village

Eat Dutch chocolate

Plant tulips

Wear clogs

Brush up on your Dutch

Play with Legos

Snuggle in front of the fireplace with a nice cold Heineken and a Dutch cigar

Check out Rembrandt

And the decorating possibilities…well, don’t get me started. Suffice it to say, a strand of lights in the shape of tiny windmills would look quite festive indeed.

Oh, I just love the holidays!